How Steeple Sinderby Wanderers Won the FA Cup

Carr, J.L. How Steeple Sinderby Wanderers Won the FA Cup. New York : Penguin 1975. Print.

First Sentences:

After the big Share-Out there was a thousand pounds left for an Official History. A top Sports Personality put the idea into our Chairman's head. His letter read, 'This most illustrious feat in modern Sporting Annals should -- and must -- be enshrined for posterity, and it will be my proud honour, sir, to perform this service for you and your gallant band, when suitable terms are agreed ..."

Description:

The first sentence above refers to the events occurring in the final pages of this dry, witty novel, How Steeple Sinderby Wanderers Won the FA Cup by J.L. Carr. It is the "history" of a small village in England, Steeple Sinderby, which in one year fielded a football (soccer) club from local players and went all the way to Wembley Stadium to win the prestigious FA Cup. (No spoiler here as this result is part of the novel's title.) The book's first sentence refers to how the winners' purse was to be divided, including leftover funds set aside to document this rise to fame. 

 

Enter the narrator and author of the book, Joe Gidner, a local greeting card writer. Gidner, accepts the position of the team's documentarian, carefully laying out the one-year run of the small-town Wanders' football team. He details the team's history that year based on newspaper articles, minutes from the team's governing committee, along with his own observations of the team, the townspeople of Steeple Sinderby, and the man who created the winning system, Dr. Kossuth.

 

Kossuth, the headmaster of the local school, had no previous interest or experience with football, However, he had developed a system for his school's students performance in educational tests which had dazzled the government examiners. He therefore was asked by the football Committee to develop a similarly unique system for their football team in achieve similar success. After attending only two games, Kossuth came up with seven Postulations to promote winning including:

• The only truly striking difference between the technical skills in amateur and professional players is the latter's control of a ball's movement when struck by his head.  Whenever possible, keep the ball close to the ground and select terrain disadvantageous to flighted passage of balls; 

• Every player except the centre-forward must defend his own goal, and every player except the goalkeeper must assault his opponents' goal;

• A Home team's only advantage is feeling at home. An away side should think itself at home, and then make the home side feel less at home.

These Postulations led the Wanders' Committee to create a home field in a marshy, uneven, rocky area where the team, through practices on it, could feel more comfortable than opponents. They implemented a game strategy where every single player attacked or defended on every play, creating mismatches based on overwhelming their opponents with numbers whether on offense or defense.

 

The rag-tag team which implemented these Postulations was made up of the local vicar, a milkman, a "wild man", and a faded football star who had given up the game for good as "pointless." Townspeople also contributed to the Postulations by cheering so loudly when the Wanders played in their opponents' territory that they drowned out any opponents' fan support. 

 

Implementing these ideas helped the Wanderers win their qualifying preliminary minor league games and move into the next level of competition where they faced more experienced players.

So the First Round Proper now was upon us and into the hat tumbled the survivors of the rough and tumble preliminary rounds of Free for All, battered and weary from too much football and staring wildly around like half drowned men cast up from the sea, amazed to find themselves still breathing though not likely to live.  

It's a serious-sounding book chock full of odd characters, unusual situations, and unexpected outcomes. The players' adventures implementing the Postulations and coming together as a team despite many unexpected setbacks are a wild ride from start to finish. The humor is very subtle, expressed in the narrator's quite serious language (all the more to hide the truly laugh-out-loud occurrences), presenting a highly-believable history of quirky characters and situations.

 

Recommended for lovers of wit, football/soccer competition and strategy, clever small stories and relationships, off-beat characters, and David vs. Goliath match-ups. I loved it.

I often wish that I could have known the end at the beginning, so that each detail could have been savoured as it happened. But then, life isn't a gramophone record one can play again and again till one feels one understands it. It is Now or Never for most of us, and we haven't the time. But we shall tomorrow ... 

[If this book interests you, be sure to check out:]

Jerome, Jerome K. Three Men in a Boat.

Three men (and a dog) set off for a river excursion in a rented boat, although none has any previous boating experience. Probably the closest book I could think of with the very dry, serious British sense of humor. Delightfully witty, unexpected, and funny.

 Happy reading.

Fred

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