Schroder: A Novel

Gaige, Amity. Schroder: A Novel. New York: Twelve. 2013. Print

First Sentences:

What follows is a record of where Meadow and I have been since our disappearance.

My lawyer says I should tell the whole story. Where we went, what we did, who we met, etc. As you know, Laura, I'm not a reticent person. I'm talkative -- you could even say chatty -- for a man. But I haven't spoken a word for days. It's a vow I've taken. My mouth tastes old and damp, like a cave.

Description:

Amity Gaige's Schroder: A Novel is a rare book: compelling and unsettling, loving and surprising all at the same time. It is the story of one father's overwhelming love for his daughter, his confusion about the break-up of his marriage, and his uncertainty about his own life and identity.

Beautifully and passionately written, Schroder is the journal written by Eric Kennedy from his jail cell detailing the reasons for his spontaneous abduction of his daughter and their activities during those weeks. While seemingly a horrifying premise, Eric tells his story calmly and rationally, adding bits of his own history. He reflects on his childhood flight from East Germany with his father to the United States, his fabrication of a new last name and life history to get into a boys' camp, and his love for his wife, Laura, and their six-year-old daughter Meadow. 

But Eric also records his insecurities with his own parenthood, with relationships, and his private research project that seems to have neither purpose nor end. And he writes of Laura's frustration and ongoing conflict with him about his parenting shortcomings and their eventual separation, divorce and limited visitation arrangements. Without his daughter and his wife, his life starts to go downhill. 

There was the underlying problem of days. Between every allotted weekend visitation sprawled the weeks themselves. Worm-eaten, heartsick, exaggerated days bookended by conciliatory Saturdays and Sundays in her presence. Then, every other weekend without her. Grief made those weekends drag. 

During one visit with Meadow, he suddenly decides they need a road trip and off they go, with no real plan or explanation given to his ex-wife and Meadow's mother, Laura. The journey seems slightly irregular even to Eric, but he relishes the opportunity to spend time with his daughter. Meadow is excited at first, then a bit puzzled about the whole experience. But she loves her father and together they move from location to location, quietly under the radar, searching for ... what?

Soon, however, their trip grows into something else: an reckless, endless flight away from his former life. Turning back and delivering Meadow to her mother is inevitable Eric knows, but as the days and miles pile up, return becomes not a simple solution. Such an action will be full with repercussions and probably signaling the end to his life with Meadow.

I realized that my situation was irreparable. I was like dead man, appealing my death. It made me too sad, to realize how late and how insufficient such an appeal would be.

Over the days his relationship with Meadow changes, both for better and worse. He has sole responsibility for the safety, care, and feeding of a six-year-old, and his rises to that occasion as often as he acts completely irresponsibility towards her. He becomes more and more conflicted.

I had forgotten about the vortex that gets created when you love a kid. Because I wanted to be with my daughter more than anything, and yet I also wanted to be free of that desire. I wanted to be free of that desire because I knew being with her had an end.

He sometimes ponders about what ex-wife Laura is doing, considers her fears for her daughter, and her probable confusion as to Eric's intentions. He is sure she is angry and does not understand her actions that caused this situation. Although he still loves Laura and secretly hopes for a reconciliation and more happy years together in the future, in his more calm moments knows it will never be. 

But he cannot give up on the road trip with Meadow, his final chance to be with her on an extended basis, no matter the cost 

I knew it was cruel not to call you, to tell you that Meadow was all right, that is wasn't as bad as you were thinking. But I was used to your absence, and we were both used to cruelty by then, I mean the casual cruelty of people dismantling their life together.

Eric is never violent or even mean to Meadow, showing her only loving devotion as her father. She occasionally questions their adventure and the new people and places they encounter, but her father is there, she has plenty of junk food to eat and no school, so life seems pretty good to her.

This is a strongly written story about an intelligent, troubled, and wounded man who seizes on an opportunity and rides it to whatever conclusion comes, right or wrong. His desire to spend time with his daughter consumes him. As he writes this detailed journal which "could someday help him in court," we readers slowly enter his mind and life, seeing their influences that lead to this adventure. 

His sadness, passion, insecurity, intelligence, and dedication to having a life with Meadow drive him constantly. It is absolutely riveting to follow his story and his wild attempts to find and then preserve love and relationships:

Because in the end, the great warring forces of our existence are not life versus death...but rather love versus time. In the majority, love does not survive time's passage. But sometimes it does. It must, sometimes.

Happy reading. 

Fred

www.firstsentencereader.blogspot.com

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If this book interests you, be sure to check out:

Flynn, Gillian. Gone Girl

The deterioration of a marriage to the point where the husband is accused of killing his wife who has disappeared. But is that the whole story? (previously reviewed here)