The Hour I First Believed

Lamb, Wally. The Hour I First Believed. New York: HarperColliuns 2008. Print.

First Sentences:

They were both working their final shift at Blackjack Pizza that night, although nobody but the two of them realized it was that. Give them this much: they were talented secret-keepers.


Description:

This is a very difficult book for me to review and recommend. It is probably not for everyone since the backdrop is the shooting at Columbine High School on April 20, 1999. Given this violent background setting, this book probably doesn't sound like anything a sane person would want to read any more about, particularly if it's a 700-page historical novel. 

I, too, was one of those hesitant readers. But my interest in author Wally Lamb after reading his book, She's Come Undone, made me want to give The Hour I First Believed at least a fair try (you know, look at the first couple of sentences). And those words were enough to hook me.

I quickly realized that The Hour I First Believed was not simply a re-telling of that horrific incident, but rather a character study and journey towards recovery for one couple who experienced the shooting and the ensuing repercussions. The shooting itself is not completely avoided, of course. It is retold in bits and pieces, framed with some background information from the killers' actual diaries, videos, and interviews. So I kept reading and reading, becoming more and more involved in the main characters, their thoughts, fears, frustrations, and hopes.

The book centers on the fictional narrator, Caelum Quirk and his wife, Maureen, both long-time employees at Columbine High School. Caelum is a literature teacher while Maureen is the school's nurse. On the day of the shooting, Caelum was away from Colorado for a conference. But after seeing a live TV breaking news report on the shooting, he speeds homne, trying desperately to learn about the safety of this wife. He soon finds that Maureen, while safe, experienced first-hand the murderous boys words and actions, as well as saw their victims, most of whom she knew as students or as colleagues and friends. 

And after, she becomes a changed person....as does her husband.

We readers, through Caelem's stream-of-consciousness observations and interactions, follow this damaged couple as they try to address Maureen's new personality and fears, both together and singly. Each wonders whether they have done anything to have foreseen this tragedy or somehow acted to prevent even a small part of it. Questions, guilt, accusations, and self-examination fill their minds. 

In the days, week, months, and years, now, since they opened fire, I have searched wherever I could for the whys, hows, and whether-or-nots of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's rampage. They had been my students first, but I became theirs, stalking them so that I might rescue my wife from the aftermath of what they'd done.

And the couple must deal with other issues as well. Caelum is called on to settle the Connecticut estate and home of his recently-deceased aunt who helped raise him. Along the way, Caelum discovers documents, letters, and diaries in her attic  which reveal his true family history and heritage. Maureen, meanwhile, is trying to re-connect with a troubled student who disappeared during the shooting, as well as recover enough herself to return to work nursing.

You never really forgive yourself. At least I haven't ben able to. But if you can find ways to be useful to others, you can begin to figure out how to live inside your own skin, no matter what you did.

It's not a feel good read by any means, but definitely a fascinating, compelling character study of people dealing with trauma, never an easy process. It is also a well-researched depiction in what happened at Columbine, what it was like for the people who actually experienced it, and how those incidents affected one fictional couple, one community, and many, many lives ever after.

 

Fred

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If this book interests you, be sure to check out:

Read, Shelley. Go As a River.   

A small town girl in rural Colorado has her life changed after one chance encounter which she must face and address for the rest of her life. (Previously reviewed here.)