Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

San Jose State University. Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. (https://www.bulwer-lytton.com). San Jose, CA. 2022. Online.

First Sentences:

I knew she was trouble the second she walked into my 24-hour deli, laundromat, and detective agency, and after dropping a load of unmentionables in one of the heavy-duty machines (a mistake that would soon turn deadly) she turned to me, asking for two things: find her husband and make her a salami on rye with spicy mustard, breaking into tears when I told her I couldn't help--I was fresh out of salami.

 

John Farmer of Aurora, Colorado - 2023 Bulwer-Lytton Contest Grand Prize Winner.

 

Description:

 

Not everyone agrees with me that you can judge a great book by its first sentence. But we all can recognize when a book's first sentence is really, really awful. Of course, the epitome of bad first sentences was the famous one written by Edward Bulwer-Lytton in his 1909 novel, Paul Clifford:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness

Suffice to say, Paul Clifford will not make it to The First Sentence Reader blog of recommended readings. However, one can take gleeful delight in off-beat first sentences like this. And to help with your secret desire to see bad first sentences, there is a contest to determine the worst first sentence of the year, The Bulser-Lytton Fiction Contest. Professor Scott Rice of San Jose State University decided in 1992 to create this international competition where anyone, including all First Sentence Reader followers, can submit a tremendously bad sentence for consideration.

You can read the other 2022 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest winners and submissions here as well as entries from past contests under sections like "Adventure," "Crime and Detective," "Fantasy and Horror," "Historical Fiction," "Romance," "Vial Puns," and many more. Great time-killer.  

Here are a few other "Winners" and "Dishonorable Mentions" (as the contest terms the runners-up) from the 2022 contest for your pleasure:

The heat blanketed the small village in much the same way a body bag blankets a murder victim, except that a body bag is usually black, which the heat wasn’t, as heat is colorless, and the village wasn’t dead, which a murder victim usually is.

Eric Rice, Madison,WI

 

While scrolling through the online catalog of the Acme website trying to decide if he should order rocket roller skates, TNT, and an anvil, or—Fool-Me-Twice fake tunnel paint, the Coyote suddenly realized, ‘Hey, I could just order food.’

Rusty Hamilton, Candby, OR

 

Tony Angel walked Fiona back to the car and handed her the leash; if only he hadn’t thrown the ball so hard; it had marred an otherwise perfect first date on the White Cliffs of Dover.

Lizzie Nelson, Wheaton, IL

 

Ensign Kurt Pulver inadvertently scuttled his command career path by interrupting the starship dedication ceremony with “You mean, ‘to go boldly,’” and spent the next sixteen years de-polarizing the Jefferies Tubes four times a week.

Randall Card, Bellingham, WA

Just thought we all needed to take a break from great reads and wallow a bit in the gloriously awful sentences of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Enjoy.

 

Happy reading. 

 

Fred

About The First Sentence Reader blog

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If this book interests you, be sure to check out:

Zinsser, William. On Writing Well  

Probably the most clear guide to writing available. Answers any grammer and style questions succinctly with easily-understood examples of good and poor writing.

 

Introduction to The First Sentence Reader blog

Samples of great first sentences and even a quiz to match first sentences to their books. (Tooting my own horn a bit.)